POLITE Smile: We turn up both corners of our lips, but there's no engagement with our eyes. We give this type of smile to strangers. The polite smile is often used by politicians or others with a personal agenda.

ASYMMETRICAL Smile: We raise one side of our lips higher than the other. This is also referred to as a fake smile.

 EMBARRASSED Smile: We bend our heads forward a little, look away or down, and press our lips together when we smile. It’s used when we have made a mistake, overstepped our limits, or been caught doing something against the norm.

GENUINE Smile: Our lips raise up and part, our teeth may even show. Our eyes light up and crow’s feet (tiny wrinkles that do have a grander purpose!) appear on our skin around the edges of our eyes. A muscle under our eyes also lifts up. (For some people, it’s the best and only exercise they get all day!) It’s also known as the “Duchenne Smile,” named after an 18^th century French neurologist who first reported on smiles of the will and smiles of the heart.

LOVING Smile: We tilt our heads toward others while we’re doing the GENUINE smile.

SYNCHRONIZED Smile: We do the GENUINE, LOVING smile and add a forward-leaning body movement toward the recipient, showing that we’re on the same wavelength.

By their 50s, the women with the bigger smiles were 20 percent more likely to be happily married, 20 percent less likely to have serious tension in their lives, and 27 percent more likely to have a strong sense of well being.  

We don’t usually think about the value of our smiles until they’re taken away.

~Mary Marcdante

Imagine that you’re like a woman I met named Linda: homeless, without a job, on welfare with two young children. You’ve been living in a domestic violence shelter for three weeks, hiding from an angry, abusive spouse who knocked out four of your front teeth. Your self-esteem is at an all-time low and the last thing you want to do is put a smile on your face. Yet your smile is the very thing you most need from others—and from yourself—to help you start putting your life back together again.

     Now imagine a compassionate volunteer who smiles at you without judgment and offers you an enthusiastic hug every morning. Soon, you’re beginning to feel a smile creep back on your face and thinking that you maybe you can make it. Never underestimate the power of your smile and energy to change another person’s life. Thanks to programs like Francie Pepper’s Safe House in Cincinnati and the Speaking of Women’s Health Dental Fund, women like Linda can apply for grants to get the resources they need for rebuilding their smiles and their lives. (Contact www.speakingofwomenshealth.org to learn about similar programs in your community.)

     Whether our lives have been torn apart like Linda’s or we’re fortunate enough to say, “There but for the grace of God go I,” how do we keep healthy and enthusiastic smiles on our faces on a daily basis?

     I spent two and a half years in college studying dental hygiene. At my first class clinic, I fainted. When I came to, I immediately realized I was happier carving wax teeth than cleaning real teeth. So I withdrew from the dental program and enrolled in art school. But the lessons I learned about the importance of oral health stay with me to this day:

•  Love your dental hygienist

• Visit your dentist once, preferably twice a year

• Don’t smoke (reach for floss instead!)

• Brush and floss twice a day

And two new suggestions that make all the difference in the size of your smile:

• Whiten your teeth. (Crest has these very cool white strips you can get at the grocery store or drug store.)

• ·Use a power brush because you’ll brush better and longer. (I love my Crest “Little Mermaid” spin brush and give them as birthday gifts to friends!)
  

Create Your Own Personal Smile Ritual

When comedienne Carol Burnett sang her closing song to the audience on her weekly television show, she ended it with a smile and a tug on her left ear lobe. This ritual signaled to her grandmother Nanny that all was right with the world.

     I have a smiling ritual I do when I’m shopping. Whether it’s the grocery store, department store, restaurant, dry cleaner, office supply store, or gas station, I enjoy getting checked out (no, not that kind of “checked out,” although the older I get, the more appealing that sounds). When it’s my turn, I send out a big smile and attempt to make eye contact with the checkout person. Sometimes we become fast friends, discussing the latest gossip on the cover of the National Enquirer or The Globe. Other times, it takes several seconds for me to connect with them because they’re so focused on their tasks.

     There’s a deeper reason we’re not connecting. When I started talking with front-line people, I learned that many of them feel undervalued and unappreciated. They work long hours for low wages. They smile a lot, say hello, and in return they often get complaints or disinterest from customers. Having worked during my high school and college days as a cashier at Shore-Vu Grocery Store, a waitress at the Pig’n Whistle, and a babysitter for three siblings and 24 neighbor children, I can identify with them. I’m guessing you can, too.

     It’s easy to be enthusiastic and smiling when people are in a good mood or feel kind and helpful. You and I both know it’s another story when someone’s cranky or rude.

          Every time you smile at someone, it is an
          action of love, a gift to that person, a
          beautiful thing.
                                         ~Mother Teresa

I frequent a gas station that employs a dour-looking older service attendant. It appears that life has not been kind to him. I first noticed him one day when the pumps were broken and customers had to go into the office to pay for gas. When I handed this curmudgeon my credit card, I smiled as I normally did. He didn’t smile back. Irritated, I thought, “Who does he think he is? I’m paying him. He ought to be friendlier, considering the prices we pay here.” I left feeling annoyed.

     The following week I went back, hoping for a different attendant. No such luck. There he was, as usual, looking distant and grumpy. I pumped my gas and used the credit card machine at the gas pump to pay my bill. My evil twin was on my left shoulder, feeding me sarcastic one-liners just in case he looked my way. But Mother Teresa was sitting on the right shoulder and she won. As I was leaving, I forced a penitent smile and waved to him. Lucky me: I caught his attention and received a “Make my day” stare. My self-esteem was beginning to get involved. This man must be on downers! I haven’t done anything to him, I thought. I smiled even bigger – like a chimpanzee, almost glaring. Still no facial movement from him. Not even a muscle twitch. What is wrong with this guy?!

     Ready to find another gas station but sensing Mother T smiling at me from above, I decided to give it one more try. I was on a mission. I vowed to myself that, for the benefit of humanity, I would somehow find a way to make him smile before I leave the station the next time.

If you would like to spoil the day for a grouch, give him a smile.
                                 ~Anonymous

D-Day arrived a week later. I pumped my gas. As I walked toward the glass-plated window and wide open door, I focused a laser-beam “I know there’s something good in you somewhere down there” smile on him. No deal. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I was on the warpath, I mean, peace path. I pulled out the big guns and began a new technique of heart breathing and smiling (More about this on Day 5). Still nothing. “This guy is a tough cookie,” I thought.

     Plan B. As he put his hand out for my credit card, I was prepared. I imagined being Julia Roberts. With a full-on smile, I started to move the card toward his hand and just as his fingers went to grab it, I pulled the card back. I said, “I’ll bet you have a great smile. I’ll give you my card if you give me a smile.” I fully expected him to crack a smile, maybe even chuckle a bit, so I was unprepared for what he said in the most downtrodden, flat voice and broken English: “Ma’am, if I smile at you, there’s a real good chance you’re going to misinterpret my smile and I could end up with a lawsuit for appearing to solicit your services. That’s why I don’t smile. I am not in my own country and life is hard here. I want to keep my job.”

     My heart ached for him, for me, for the world, for all the times we hesitate to offer our humanity out of resentment, anger, fear of litigation, violence, rape, or even simple miscommunication. “I understand,” I said, feeling tears well up. Embarrassed, I fumbled for a moment and then responded. “Thank you for being so honest. I’m sorry it’s so hard for you. I appreciate all that you do.” I smiled. And of all things, he smiled back.

     Now, every time I go into the gas station and finish pumping my gas, as I drive past the open door, I teasingly take my index finger, push up the left corner of my lips, and the right corner follows. From behind the glass-plated window, a smile beams back. Compassion and understanding are high-octane fuels that keep the engine of enthusiasm running at an optimal level and deliver a smile 99% of the time.
 

               There are hundreds of languages in the
               world, but a smile speaks them all.
                                            ~Anonymous

Turn Your Smile into a Joy Machine

An energy source within you has the potential to turn your smile into a joy machine. Someone needs your smile today. When you’re out in the world in the next 24 hours, look for someone whose services you use that could benefit from an ear tug, a kind word, an extra second of eye contact, understanding, or your biggest smile.

               Nobody needs a smile so much as the one who 
               has none to give. So get used to smiling   
               heart-warming smiles, and you will spread
               sunshine in a sometimes-dreary world.
                                        ~LAWRENCE G. LOVASIK, 
                                   The Hidden Power of Kindness

TODAY’S ACTION STEP 

Give yourself a big smile in every mirror or window reflection you see yourself in. If you’re a really extroverted person, wave back. People will wonder what you’re up to, and most will smile and shake their heads. You might just make their day.

TIPS TO CREATE MORE ENTHUSIASM

• Keep a small spiral notebook with you for a day, or get a counter and click the number of smiles you make in a day. Aim for 50 genuine smiles.
  
  

•  See how long you can hold a smile and eye contact with another person before you start laughing or have to look away. Work up to one minute.
  
  

• Notice other people’s smiles, even if they’re off in the distance, and smile along with them to get in on the good feelings. Practice random acts of smiling.
  
  

• Study your smile in the mirror. Spend a few minutes trying different smiles and then give yourself a genuine smile and hold it for 16 seconds.
  
  

• Get involved in National Smile Week in August to promote dental health or participate in World Smile Day on October 4, which was started by Harvey Ball, who created the “Smiley Face.” (A simple drawing of a smiling face on a yellow background.) Follow his motto: “Do something kind. Make one person smile.”

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

• How many times did you smile yesterday?
  

• Who and what make you smile? List at least 10 people and things.
  

• What was going on during a recent time when your smile made a big difference to someone else?
  

• When has someone’s smile healed a hurt or dramatically affected your life? Who was that person?
  

• Who are three service people you frequently see who could use an extra smile and a kind word from you?

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Copyright 2003 Mary Marcdante
mary@marymarcdante.com