05/14/17

My Mother, My Friend Turns Sweet 16

My mother’s presence lingers in the 25 years after her passing, especially on Mother’s Day. Her legacy is filled with the births of five children, one who, sadly, died a week after birth, and four, fortunately, who still carry her story into their own lives — two with children of their own, two with contributions that include mothering in myriad other ways.

This Mother’s Day 2017 one of my mother’s greatest legacies to me turns Sweet 16. My book, written in her honor after she died, My Mother, My Friend: The 10 Most Important Things To Talk About With Your Mother, was published by Simon & Schuster in 2001 and remains in print and available on Amazon, having sold more than 30,000 copies, a feat I’m proud of and so grateful to so many for in a world according to Nielsen BookScan where the average book sells less than 250 copies and no more than 3,000 copies over its lifetime

I still receive letters and emails about how the book has changed a woman’s relationship with her mother, her daughter, her extended family of sisters, aunts, grandmothers, granddaughters, and what has really surprised and delighted me because of my own journey — her relationship with herself.

As a first time published author I was beyond thrilled to finally have that book out of my head and into print. After ten years of living with my mother’s spirit (or my imagination, take your pick), telling me in two dreams, “We have a book to write together; it’s a book for adult daughters and their mothers so they can know each other better and make healthier choices than I did,” I was ready to move forward with my life.

In those 16 years since publication my life has been filled with more choices, more challenges and lessons than I could imagine. Buoyed by the thousands of women I’ve met and talked with all around the world through my speaking engagements, coaching, blog, and social media, I continue to be inspired and humbled by their stories of strength, courage, forgiveness, heartbreak, loss, creativity, wisdom and deep love. Something else that I didn’t expect but kept showing up were opportunities to explore my own mothering and befriending — and lack thereof oftentimes — of myself.

The exploration and adventure of self-care, self-discovery and creative expression has continued after My Mother, My Friend as a new book waits in the wings to find its way from my heart to paper: My Self, My Friend. My resistance to finishing the manuscript is strong but I’m inspired to keep going based on a dream I had a few years ago where my mother appeared again, having an equally significant conversation with me, guiding me to choose a path to greater presence, connection and valuing of myself in my life and in the world.

If this is something that calls to you, I invite you to walk the path of My Self, My Friend along with me as we learn how to live, love, listen and laugh with ourselves through anything. I would love to hear from you with a comment below or click here to be notified of updates.

03/27/10

Are You Mining the Moment?

One of the five main reasons living with enthusiasm is so important is because it increases your ability to enjoy yourself and your life. But that’s easier said than done some days because we forget that we have a choice about how we think about and express ourselves, which is one of the reasons why I subscribe to the Abraham-Hicks Daily Quotes.

Today’s quote really spoke to me about the importance of moving your mind from self-justification to in-the-moment appreciation, which triggers the release of your authentic enthusiasm through genuine joy bursts.

“Mining the moment for something that feels good, something to appreciate, something to savor, something to take in, that’s what your moments are about. They’re not about justifying your existence. It’s justified. You exist. It’s not about proving your worthiness. It’s done. You’re worthy. It’s not about achieving success. You never get it done. It’s about “How much can this moment deliver to me?” And some of you like them fast, some of you like them slow. No one’s taking score. You get to choose. The only measurement is between my desire and my allowing. And your emotions tell you everything about that. ~ Abraham

02/25/10

Inspired Action: End Unworthiness – The Good Feeling Mantra

“When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.”
~ Sigmund Freud ~

The past week was a whirlwind of unexpected inspiring activity, good fortune, and blessings that still astonishes me. I wish this kind of energy for you so below you’ll find a powerful 4 step process that can help shift feelings of unworthiness and “not enough” into willingness and allowing of bigger ideas, and greater resources and support into your life.

A highlight was attending “The Four Masters” Conference in Minneapolis. I had four insights during meditations that created deeper breakthroughs in a few areas of my life that have been, shall we say, chronically challenging for me. I’m thrilled to imagine how this will impact my mindset and work in the next six to twelve months. What’s even more exciting is sharing these insights with you and how you might apply them to your life too.

The first insight was about creating bigger dreams and accepting resources, support, and gifts from others. Can you relate? No matter how much success you’ve already had, if you don’t believe you’re worthy of something grander, no matter how much work you do or how many affirmations you say, you won’t see or allow yourself that grander experience even when it shows up right in front of your face.

I’ve been offered many opportunities in my life, some of them so generous and grand that I didn’t feel worthy of them or was afraid I wouldn’t “measure up to the task,” or couldn’t imagine finding the funds to experience them or a way to pay back, or even pay forward, what was being offered. So I said no, or accepted less, and stuffed the disappointment by rationa(lies)ing to myself that the timing wasn’t right or saying, “next time,” instead of giving myself and others the joy of a definite YES! and allowing myself to be coached into the growth opportunity along the way. Have you ever been there?

TIP: Give yourself permission to let go of feeling unworthy or that you’re not good enough. It is a waste of your precious time and energy. What is more helpful is this:

1.  Notice the problematic thought (“I’m not worthy,” “I didn’t earn that,” “What will be expected of me?” “What if I blow it?”) and the subsequent feeling (doubt, fear, guilt, shame).

2.  Inhale and exhale a slow deep breathe and ask yourself, “Does this thought make me feel better or worse?” The simple act of asking yourself this question will likely show you that it makes you feel worse. Take another deep breath and on the exhale, say, “I choose to let this go.” Repeat it until you feel your body relax.

BIG TIP: What is truly good for you never feels bad.

3.  Shift your thought to something that feels more empowering and expansive rather than wallowing in the bad feeling. The choice is yours. And that’s the key…the choice IS yours. No one else can shift your thoughts or feelings for you. They can create an environment, but YOU have to do the work of choosing to put your mind and heart where it serves you and allows you to give more of your good to others.

4.  Create a good feeling mantra. Smile while you say it, which will help trigger endorphin flow in your body. Relax and repeat often. Here’s my newest mantra:

“I am worthy and I am willing.
I allow and I accept even greater good than I can imagine
into my life for the good of all.”

(What’s your favorite mantra or affirmation? Please post in the comment box.)

In some ways #4 sounds so “I know that! Tell me something new” that it’s almost laughable to me, and yet

If you’re still waiting for the next big dream, goal, or project to manifest and you’re feeling stuck, this idea of worthiness may be something to consider. Sometimes we need to hear something once more (or a hundred times more) to really make the shift we’ve been hoping for.

What challenge will you apply this to in your life? If you want help, post a comment and I’ll reply. If you want more personal support, I am available for coaching.

RESOURCE:

While I was experiencing this amazing week, I was also doing the Enthusiasm 7-Day Mini Retreat that I mentioned to you last week. In case you were too busy to review it, I’m offering it again before the special offer price goes up because it definitely accelerated the good energy field I was in.

Enthusiasm Mini-Retreat Journal & Guidebook – 7 Minutes a Day for 7 Days

Once again I was reminded of the power of positive anticipation, the importance of planning good things into your daily calendar, and how journaling about a good experience (in this case doing the daily EnthusiAction) rekindles and doubles good feelings that you previously experienced, and opens the door to more good happening in your life.

I also discovered that even 5 minutes of writing about something good can be a challenge to fit into my day unless it is attached to a contract or client. But the good feelings I experienced after doing the EnthusiAction and writing about it continue to inspire me to stick with it and plan it into my day. And if I start to put it off, I remember the good feelings and reschedule another time.

If you haven’t already tried this, I encourage you to treat yourself and a friend. It’s priced for everyone’s budget and 10% goes to the Jenna Druck Foundation to send high school girls to this year’s Leadership Conference.

To find out more click on 7 Day Enthusiasm Mini Retreat Journal & Guidebook.

Inspired by your presence…

Mary

Mary Marcdante
Helping People and Organizations Stay Inspired, Creative, and Healthy
Speaker, Author, Facilitator, Coach